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2.4.11

Goram Kinder Surprise.

When I was younger, I used to love Kinder Surprise. The chocolate itself is pretty disappointing, but I cared more for the prize hiding inside. The toys themselves are admittedly rather useless, but you don't buy a 99 cent chocolate egg expecting a remote controlled helicopter or a transformer - it's the excitement of opening the egg to see what you've gotten and assembling the pieces, adding stickers, etc., to end up with your tiny creation, that is why they were so cool. Bonus if you actually like the plastic chocolate.

I'm not sure if it's because I've grown up and become a little disillusioned, or if Kinder Surprise has just stopped producing good toys, these new ones are honestly lame. Most of them you don't even get to build anymore, it's all one piece, along with a confusing illustration that usually involves a couple kids having a great time chucking their new bit of plastic at a wall, or trying to throw it at their friend's equally useless bit of plastic. Most of the time the thing that tells you how to play with your toy requires you to have a friend with a toy from the same set, meaning you both have to go buy eggs until you each have one, and then proceed to play what appears to be one of the most boring and pointless games ever conceived.

Just the other day, I walked into my the cafeteria at my University, and they had a bunch of Kinder Surprise eggs. Hoping for a tiny car or perhaps a many-pieced animal I bought one, only to find a little plastic yellow thing that vaguely resembles a lion, and these instructions:
Step 1: Find a friend unfortunate enough to get one of these amorphous animals as well. Put your toys on a table, then blow on them.
Step 2: If your toy falls over, you win. Congratulations.

Gee, what a thrilling time. Sounds easy enough, right? The only problem is, aside from the fact that I could have just as much fun blowing on rocks or bits of wood, I couldn't even get the darn thing to stand up in the first place.

Shown here: my lion sitting on its head. I guess I won...?
It seems like the only things that you are able to 'build' from modern Kinder Surprises are tiny 12 piece puzzles. Because kids just love puzzles, am I right? This is what happens when child safety goes so far as to suck the fun out of things. Whatever happened to the little toy cars and boats and dragons with 8 pieces and stickers? I miss my childhood, and I feel sorry for the kids growing up in today's world of plastic playgrounds and rounded edges.


25 comments:

  1. Wish I could associate with your plight, but unfortunately Kinder Surprise is banned in the US, and up $300 fine for importation from Canada!

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  2. Hah yeah the funny thing is I think that they're actually banned because they used to have so many small parts. And in getting rid of those, they've just made them superlame. Sigh.

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  3. haha fuckin awesome! at least theres the chocolate~

    check mah new blog dood~ http://budpedia.blogspot.com/

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  4. So cut, I used to love them as well.

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  5. Never heard of these, probably because of that ban thing mentioned above. Looks kinda like a mcdonalds toy except more lame.

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  7. I also loved these toys when I was little! :D

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  8. They're illegal in the US? What the hell?

    I agree with you, the new toys suck. Kids these days have no idea what they're missing.

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  9. keep hearing about these fucking things in the blogosphere. we don't have them in the US. i'm thirty and i fucking want one!
    +followed

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  10. those are kinda creepy.

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  11. Holy shit I remember these. There is the ones with Disney and Nick toys in them too right?

    My League of Legends Blog.
    Surrender at 20
    My BM/Metal blog.
    Death with No Redemption

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  12. hahaha fuckin awesome!

    http://all-around-toto.blogspot.com/

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  13. Awesome post bro, followed for more.

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  14. These are awesome!

    I miss getting these little gems :(

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  15. Haha, pure nostalgia. It's been too long since I've eaten one of those. In fact I'll buy some tomorrow, for old time's sake ^^

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  16. How could you dislike the chocolate in these things? It was the best part. The toy's exciting, but I always ended up with one of those crappy 4 piece puzzles hah.

    :'(

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  17. I loved the chocolate, but I always ended up getting a shitty toy :(

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  18. I don't even like chocolate period.

    Though, to make light of the situation, I could play a game of "how many times do I have to chuck it on the ground before it breaks."

    Or just doodle on it with Sharpies.
    That's the universal solution to life's problems. :)

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  19. I miss it too.... :/

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  20. imagine the egg was whole chocolate :D

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  21. These used to be good ):

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  22. Haha, oh wow. I'm avoiding these to keep my childhood memories intact.

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  23. I had an English friend who told me about the Kinder eggs. After searching for them high and low, I found them. Once I saw the price($2.89) for a small egg, I decided I didn't need one after all.

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  24. awesome, love the blog! supporting!

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